Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
