Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
