my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
