She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
