Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
