I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
