Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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