I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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