I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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