The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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