Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize