I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
