I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
