you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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