If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
