Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
