I want to walk on stilts...naked
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
