well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
