He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
