wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
