While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
