omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
