I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
