But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
