Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
