so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
