and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
