Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
