Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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