Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
