I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
