she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
