i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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