Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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