Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
