I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This house was built for laser tag.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize