well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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