you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
