When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
