...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
