fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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