I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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