We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
