I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
