just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
