I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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