Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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