sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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