whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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