it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
