sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
