you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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