I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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