i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
