he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
