turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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