Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
