This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
