I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
