i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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