I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
