Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
