I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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