Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
